Still Pleadin’

Lesson: Preparing for Coming Hardship by Resting in Christ

So, last Sunday I returned to my college apartment, and school starts in three days. I have to say, there are many things that disappoint me about this. I haven’t met any of my personal goals this summer.

My goal was to save and pay for my books early like I do every summer. I put them on credit and pay it all off so my credit score continues to rise. Even working, I didn’t have the means to do that this summer.

Understanding some of the personal struggles I’ve been facing, one of my professors who I’d confided in told me to rest this summer. This is someone who has pastored, who leads a decent-sized staff, who teaches, who is a very highly-esteemed theologian across America, who edits and writes an insane amount of books, and who somehow finds time to have a vibrant family life. He said they push us to constantly work hard, but at this time, I need to rest. I didn’t do that. I don’t know how to do that here. I’m constantly on-the-go, running from my problems trying to find work somewhere. I can’t rest here. I’m exhausted.

My goal was to complete 20 books. People always look at me crazy when I say that, but during my mission trip a couple years ago, I learned that we can do more with very little time than we think as long as we devote ourselves to the present task at hand. In London, with very little free time, while ministering from sun up to sundown, with only two minutes here, three minutes there (traveling on the tube), I managed to complete two or three books. When I returned to the states, that number rose to 12. That was my last summer in Victorville. Now, I’m plagued by the prison-like atmosphere of San Bernardino: where home, health, family, and financial issues abound. The chains in this place are real. I barely completed one book by the way.

Well, the good thing is that now I have returned to school where I feel a little more free. However, the problems don’t all stay in San Bernardino. My prayer is that I manage to push beyond my hardships once again (but better than before), to find joy in the small things,  to rest, to live.

Jesus I’m pleading
Come help me Lord
You see last Monday wasn’t doin right
And last Tuesday bout to get in a fight
Jesus I’m pleading
Come help me Lord
– Larry White: “Pleading”

God, I don’t have any fancy words this time. I’m just coming to you broken, as I always am, praying that you help me continue to be open to others, to love you, to love people, to not live in seclusion but find healing in my transparency, biblical accountability, and your gospel. Lord, I’m still pleading–pleading for you. My hope. My strength. My love. My everything.