Quest for Refuge

Lesson: Finding rest in God when people refuse to love

The other day, I passed by a homeless man while walking into Starbucks to kill some time before my next class. Ironically, he asked for nothing. That particular area just happens to be a hub for those who have no place to go.

I told him I would get him something, and as I walked inside, I recognized the very thing I notice literally everywhere I go: Everyone was oblivious to what was going on around them. No one looked at me as I walked in which is quite normal for our society in this day and age. I placed my order, then quickly walked outside to give the man a small pastry.

As I walked back inside, I noticed everyone staring as if I had just crash-landed from another planet. Before I could sit down at my table, a girl walked up to me and thanked me for my “kind act,” and she asked if I wanted to work for her company where employees are empowered to extend a number of helpful services to individuals in society. Knowing about the company, I graciously declined; however, there was something else that stuck out to me.

Although I realize that I did do something quite noble (Starbucks is expensive, and just about every dime I have is currently needed for bills and survival right now), I do not view myself as the hero that everyone else did. I purchased $3 cinnamon rolls for the two of us. That cinnamon roll did not do much for me, and I am certain it did even less for him. I was not famished; however, this man does not eat regularly. I’m not a hero. Just about anyone in that room could have helped him out with a $3 cinnamon roll. Nonetheless, they did not.

The Source

Many of you may be shocked by this statement, but one reason I feel for this man personally is because at this very moment, I am legally homeless. June 13 was my first day being completely stranded with nowhere to go, and I realized something: Everyone has their own life to live.

Some people are so consumed with what’s in front of them that they don’t have the capacity to think beyond their own lives, while others give sincerely and can understandably only give so much. But when you’re homeless, sometimes your only option is to watch the whole world around you enjoy their lives, oblivious to anything outside of their shaded world.

I have reached out to two multimillion-dollar organizations I am affiliated with and have supported in various ways for years; however, both organizations said they cannot help me.

It breaks my heart being here, but it breaks my heart even more to know countless people will be here much longer than I will. How can a person be fortunate enough to enjoy American privileges – have a working phone, have clothing in good condition, not be completely broke, be in school – and still be homeless? I can answer that question easily, but all I will say is you never know who is around you and what that person you encounter on a daily basis may be going through.

Honestly, I wonder how many of those Starbucks customers consider themselves Christians without assuming any obligation to consider this man a brother in Christ and without realizing that in Scripture, Christ clearly defies the normal perception as he explains that we have a higher obligation to care for our spiritual family than we do our own biological family.

“If anyone comes to me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple. Whoever does not bear his own cross and come after me cannot be my disciple.” – Luke 14:26-27 (speaking of loving Christ above all things and all people which assumes a person who follows him does so in the presence of and at the side of Christ’s family – the church)

Deeper Wounds

The hardest part about lacking desperately in the midst of a culture of such affluence is that no one pays attention to your struggle, and no one takes your struggles seriously. It can’t be that bad. You’re American. You’re in the presence of “regular people” and “regular places.” There are people in African and Asian villages who would kill to be where you are. So I guess that means I’m fine, right?

This massive condition of ignorance reminds me of the heartbreak I had experienced three years ago walking the streets of London. Most people in that environment live comfortably both socially and financially, so those who struggle must struggle deeply because no one cares enough to assist them.

Homeless people in London have nowhere to go, so they make their abode in a 3-foot-wide doorway of a business at night with nothing but a ripped cardboard box separating them from the more fortunate.

The heartlessness of many Americans is shown in the same manner. Santa Clarita, a very wealthy city in California with a median household income of $126,000 (more than two times that of the national median), just passed a law in attempts to expunge all homeless people from their city.

The city reportedly has some 300 homeless people – far less than surrounding cities and less wealthy cities throughout the nation. However, rather than investing in programs that will help such a low number of an overlooked and forgotten people-group, they would rather create laws that, in essence, force them out of the city so the “normal people” can enjoy their six-figure salaries in peace. This is the country we live in, and it makes me sad to say that this seems to be the pseudo-Christianity that has become prevalent in this nation. People do not matter.

In regards to my own state, I believe one day this will pay off. One day I will make true my vow to God that I will never make a life-altering decision that affects the life of someone else in ways I may or may not know without coming to first know and love that person. I will be a better leader than that.

“Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world – the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride of life – is not from the Father but is from the world. And the world is passing away along with its desires, but whoever does the will of God abides forever.” – 1 John 2:15-17

Future Hope Due to Honest Frustration

I hate this world. I hate the way it operates. Experience has taught me what John means. The world is brutal, and everything in it is going to die under the hand of God in his wrath. But the people who are bound to or bound by this tragic, godless system, I can’t help but love. God loves them.

My life is devoted to demolishing systems that oppress God’s people and make them secondary to the world and the fulfillment people derive from it. And I will rebuild systems that put God and his people first in attempts to truly live out the Great Commission and work toward God’s plan of restoring and redeeming humanity to the state they were originally created to live in.

As of now, I’m suffering. I have nowhere to go, but I am learning. And I will work against this world’s oppressive works until it kills me and I am able to echo the words of Paul in 2 Timothy 4:6-8: “For I am already being poured out as a drink offering, and the time of my departure has come. I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Henceforth there is laid up for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous judge, will award to me on that day, and not only to me but also to all who have loved his appearing.”

A Hopeful Urge

My word to you is to not give up. Every day I must remind myself that there is hope. Every day I must fight bitterness toward those who could have prevented this but blatantly refused to. Every day I must apologize to God for wishing and praying that each of those people be overtaken by the worst.

Long ago, God told me that my life is not about me; it is a story about him in which I am blessed to play a starring role. I just pray that even as I sit here wondering where I will sleep next week, God is using this story to bring glory to his name, and I pray that, somehow, I turn out alright in the process because something has surely got to give. Amen.